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Using Our Results to Move Forward By Danny J. Stevens

When I would make a mistake I would concentrate on the mistake.  I would feel bad because I made the mistake.  More times than not, I would feel ashamed and worthless.  Somewhere, I had associated that I had to pass the test, do things correctly and never fail.

My parents did not instill those expectations; in fact they were happy if progress was being made.  They were never terribly concerned with letter grades.  I think I took that they did not expect me to succeed.  That the standards they held were too low.  For years this created a barrier between me and my parents.  I wanted more and felt they were not assisting nor expecting better results from my efforts.  Were my parents proud when I did succeed or brought home an “A”.  Absolutely, so I was confused why they did not push or demand better results.

Looking back I remember the discussions when something did not go well or I had poor grades.  They were not like other parents I heard about, but they were asking questions such as, “Do you know where you could do better?  Did you learn?  The grades or results were not as important as it was what did you learn from this?    It was years before I started to understand, they were pushing me to success and demanding higher standards but in a way where I would take my results and either figure another way or build on the results.  Had I realized this earlier maybe I would have focused more on the results?  Maybe I was and just did not recognize that I was.

We are asked here in Day 8 to reflect on the results.  What could we learn from that result and use now to create a better life today?  This was the lesson I believe my parents were trying to impress upon me. It is likely that result which I can learn from.  To take my results and quit focusing on how could I have not known the answer?  Why was I so stupid and not take each result and learn from them.  I need to be open to the lessons and to take from them the items which worked and those that did not work.  Even those events which are several years old, I can lay closure to the feelings of being less by taking the lessons from those events, learning from them and getting better results today.

Tony Robbins teaches the concept of a primary question.  We often respond to events and results with the same question or in Tony’s word with your primary questions.  In my past which I shared with you above that question I believe was, “Why does this happen to me?”  or “Why was I so stupid?”  Either question is not going to help me to learn from anything I did in the past.   Sounds exactly like what I had described.  If I would alter the primary question to something more powerful such as “How / what can I learn from this?  Or “How can I improve upon these results?”  The latter questions are not dwelling on poor performance or bad results, but looking for ways to improve the results.  As Tony states, there are no failures, only results.  How can you learn from your past results to improve your life today?

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